NARCO COFFEE™: LEGENDARY TASTE, MYTHICAL LORE
At Narco Coffee, we curate premium, small-batch coffee with a side of outlaw mystique. While our beans are 100% real (and dangerously delicious), our blend backstories are pure fiction—the equivalent of reading a cereal box for adults who appreciate dark humor and dramatic flair.
WE DO NOT:
- Source beans from actual cartel operations (our farmers are lovely, law-abiding caffeine artists)
- Employ ex-hitmen as roasters (though our baristas do have a killer work ethic)
- Condone illegal activity (except maybe stealing the last cup from the office break room)
WE DO:
- Create high-quality, ethically sourced coffee with bold flavors
- Spin captivating fictional tales for entertainment (inspired by pop culture, not reality)
- Donate to coffee-growing communities (because the real heroes wear straw hats, not balaclavas)
Our products are novelty-themed, not narcotics. Any resemblance to actual events or persons—living, dead, or currently evading extradition—is purely coincidental.
Enjoy the legend. Savor the coffee. Stay (mostly) on the right side of the law.
Narco Coffee™: Because life’s too short for boring brew.
“PSA: Our coffee’s criminal backstories? Fictional. The addiction-worthy flavors? Very real. We’re not actually outlaws—just caffeine dealers with wild imaginations. Drink up, jefe. #LegalButDangerous”
